i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
