Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
