Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
