I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
