10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
