I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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