There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
