and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
