Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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