so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
