You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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