I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
