id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
