Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
