Do you still have your period?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
