I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
