Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
