I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do vagina's smell?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
