You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
