He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
