She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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