she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
