Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
