I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
