it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
