in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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