that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
