is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
