Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
