That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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