My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
