He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
