So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
