Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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