Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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