I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
