Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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