Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
