like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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