What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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