I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
