insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize