yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
