had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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