somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
