I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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