We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
