Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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