That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
