im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
