i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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