i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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