Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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