just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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