She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
