That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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