I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
