she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
