dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
