smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
