Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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