Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
