After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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