happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
