if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
