just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Shame - the story of my life.
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