I think I died a long time ago.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize