Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
