Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
