how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
