I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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