I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I see more hoeing in ur future
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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