and you said cock pushups were impossible
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
