I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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