You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
