Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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