Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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