he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
