the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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