i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
