I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
