We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
