I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
