I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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