Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ruined the universe
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
