just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
