Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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