I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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