after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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