The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize