are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
