Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
