Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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