Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
